2012 So Far -

It's been busy. Shocking, I know. And I'm so bored of writing that sentence that I almost can't stand it.

What you've missed in January -

Geoff had a birthday. Couldn't quite top last year, but I surprised him with tickets to War Horse, and we had dinner at Bar Baloud, which was pretty great. And this Chocolate-Mocha-Crazy-Awesome-Did-They-Put-Crack-In This-Thing? cake was pretty amazing too.


We took photos of a BRAND NEW BABY for some friends and he was pretty killer. Somehow I left without actually holding him once, which seems epically wrong, but he was working suuuuuuper hard at his photo shoot and I didn't want to interfere.



I made Tomatillo Salsa on a whim for the first time. I previously had not really been able to understand a Tomatillo (like how I don't understand Twitter, or health care deductibles). But it was super easy and pretty dang good, even if I did smell like garlic for days.


We made plans with friends for a long weekend away in February and I CANNOT WAIT.

I got offered two new casting jobs, which I'm trying to figure out if I can take on.

Geoff is booking weddings like it's going out of style and it's shaping up to be a busy summer. And it's only January. Yipes.

We keep saying that one day soon we'll get to a pause in all the madness and actually be able to take a bit of our lives back. I'm hoping that's true. I've made it through a big push at work and there might be a minor pause in the next couple weeks where we can take stock of things and start to prioritize a bit. It was supposed to start today but Geoff got sidelined by food poisoning last night and is in no position at the moment to Discuss The Future.

I hate politics. All the Republican Primaries and debates have been reminding me just how much. It's not just the Republicans either - I'd hate it just as much if we were sitting through the Democrats do the same thing. And I'm sorry but the political commentators are the worst of the bunch. JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND ANALYZING IT AND LET PEOPLE LISTEN TO THE CANDIDATES FOR THEMSELVES, FIGURE OUT WHO IS LYING LESS AND MAKE THEIR CHOICE AND BE DONE WITH IT! JUST.PLEASE.STOP.TALKING-YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE.

Whew. Interesting. Didn't really know all that was in there.

I wonder if I'm kind of over the whole blogging thing. I honestly can't think of anything to say these days and I'm barely taking any photos and there's definitely no time. I guess we'll see, but my apathy seems to be ever-increasing.

And most brutally, for the last 6 weeks I've been following the journey of a college friend who just last night lost his battle with Central Nervous System Lymphoma, leaving behind his wife and 2 year old daughter. I haven't seen or spoken to him since college and have never met his wife and daughter but I've been a bit haunted by it, I must confess. It's sobering. And it puts a lot of things into perspective.

So for now, I'm grateful to be in a cozy apartment with a glass of wine and finally a little spare moment to think through some things about life. I guess I'd like to say I'm ready to Take Charge and Make Changes and Kick Some Ass and Take Some Names. But at the moment, I'm just pondering many things. I've not had too many spare moments to do that in the last few months/years. So it's pondering for now. Maybe the ass-kicking part will come later.

2011

This has certainly been a year that was light in the blogging department. As I was glancing back through my posts from this year (and it didn't take me long to do so), every other one started with me marveling at how absent I'd been. Hopefully next year will be different. January may be dicey on that front, but I will do my best.

2011 was a big year for us. We went to London & Paris, we shot a ton of weddings, I quit my job and started working for myself and was surprised to find that my freelance casting work consumed nearly all my time this fall. We went far too long without seeing my family (10 months!) and I vow that will never happen again. My parents rescued a dog from the side of the highway and even before I met him, I knew we wouldn't be able to imagine our family without him. I only wish he could come live at my house. Friends got pregnant, got engaged, moved across the country, adopted kids, bought their first house, started their own business and we've been blessed to feel a part of it all - either directly, or through photo shoots or via love & support over email and phone calls.

2012 is upon us and I hope to actually spend more time doing all the things I wanted to do this fall when we began Phase 1 of the next stage in our lives. Phase 1 was quitting my job. At the moment there seem to be a minimum of 2 other Phases TBA with unknown timelines. The picture above is of my grandparent's house in Georgia, where my dad and his brothers grew up. I love this house. And if it could be relocated to the NYC Metro Area, that would certainly speed up the timeline on at least one of those other Phases. And I really should tell you about the USC string bikini top given to me by my mother at Christmas in hopes of "inspiring" us to inch closer to the Phase that will include grandchildren for her. You were right, Mom. Geoff says Extra Small IS the perfect size for me. :-)

But in the meantime, we're enjoying Phase 1. And soon it will hopefully include more blogging, cooking, photography, time with friends and family and just generally getting my creative mojo back.

Happy New Year to All!

PS - I forgot the most momentus occurrence of all of this month! We got our first actual Christmas Tree. Not a wreath, not a bush, but a full on (ok, half sized) Christmas Tree. I cannot tell you how happy it made me on a daily basis. I am practically a grown up, despite the horrendous iPhone picture.

A Change is Gon' Come

I've never been one who embraces change easily. Call me a control freak. Call me a creature of habit. Both statements have truth in them. Alison and I used to semi-joke about whichever one of us took the biggest risk could wear the Risk Takers Crown (similar to a Burger King crown, naturally). Well, I'm wearing it now. Though I will say that as the years have passed, I've gotten a little better at it. I'm a bit more open. Or just a bit wiser about how inevitable change is in life.

The day after my birthday this year, I had plans to go to the theatre with my boss, as per usual on any random weeknight. We had time to grab dinner beforehand, so we sat down, ordered, and then he looked at me and said, "Kate? What are you doing with your life?" I don't know when I have been more grateful that someone asked me a really hard question.

You see, I've been toying with leaving my job for about a year now. I've just been too scared to do it. As much as much as I love what I do, I've had to put other things that I want in life on hold to do it. And I know I can't put those things on hold forever. I don't want to. I'd dreamed of working on Broadway since I was a kid and that hasn't changed. But it's not all I've ever wanted. I want to be able to see my family more than twice a year. I'd like to see and spend time with my husband besides when we're falling asleep or shooting a wedding. I want to be available to be the kind of friend I'd like to be, instead of one who is never available to come to anything important in your life because she's always working. I want time to write, to take photographs, to take a vacation. And someday, I want time to be a mom. I know I couldn't keep this particular job and have a child. I don't make enough to cover the cost of childcare if I were to keep working and even if I did, I don't think I'd want to keep working these kind of hours anyway at that point.


So, change was imminent. But I was scared. Because it was looking like the way to get to all the other things I want in life (at least for the short term) was to switch to working for myself and working with Geoff. I've always been a fan of a steady paycheck, and in my head that has always meant a 9 to 5 job. I've pretty much colored inside the lines my whole life and the idea of this initially felt like someone was scribbling ALL OVER THE PAGE. What if I regret leaving? What if I am never as happy as I was when I worked on Broadway every day? What if we can't afford it? What if I can never get a job casting again? What if no one understands why I'd leave a "dream" job? Or what if everyone thinks I'm an idiot for leaving a job with health insurance (or any job for that matter) in a less than stable economy? What if, what if, what if??? There were about 1000 what-ifs. And then Geoff said to me one day, "You spend so much time thinking about what you will lose and absolutely no time thinking about what you will gain." That was a great perspective. And so stinkin' true. And something I still remind myself of on the days that I freak out about the future. Geoff was also smart enough to point out that all we are really changing is that we will be in control of our schedule and it is wide open to do with what we want.

So a month from today I will leave my full time job. Instead, I will work nearly full time with Geoff in his business and still work in casting on a freelance basis - as much or as little as I want and/or as we need. I know there are people who will still hire me to do that, even if I'm not doing it under the umbrella of a theatre company. We will shoot more weddings and now have the staff to shoot more corporate work too. I may start taking on more paid photography gigs, just to see if I like it. If nothing else, I'd be interested to see what it's like to edit photos in a more normal way, instead of between 11pm-1am on a weeknight after I get home from the theatre. So it's a huge change. And its risky. But we do hope to have a family in the not too distant future and if things are going to be tight financially, I'd rather struggle through that when there is still just the two of us to worry about. We may have to cut back on things, and I'm sure there will be ups and downs and adjustments to make, but ultimately...? I'm finding that I'm actually super excited about it. Even more than I thought I'd be. I'm ready for my new life. And I no longer feel like I'm leaving my old one behind. Things are just...shifting. They will be more on my terms. And I feel like a weight has been lifted. The people who've been told this news so far say that they can tell a noticeable difference in me already. Not that a lady should tell her age, but those of you that read this already know that I will be 35 in less than a year. And this month marks the 10 year anniversary of when I moved to NYC. It goes FAST, ya'll. It flies, in fact. And I don't want to feel like life is passing me by anymore. So even though it took me a year to work up the courage and an unexpected (but much needed) kick in the pants from my boss to get me there, I'm finally ready for this change. Now, as soon as I post this and it's out in the world for everyone to see, I'm sure I'll have a mild panic attack and spend a small(ish) amount of time curled up in the fetal position on my bed this evening. I've taken so long to write about this for that very reason. But for the most part, I'm surprised to find that all I can see these days is the "what I will gain" part. And I kind of feel like life is just beginning. *Deep Breath* Leap of faith, here we come.

I Am Not Lost

I am here. I am alive. I have been absent far too long. For good reason, but still. It has been beyond busy. And much has been afoot. And it's June 1. Which means, wedding season is officially underway and life is about to get even crazier.

But I just wanted to say I'm here. I've not forgotten this place. I want to spend more time here. And there is much to tell you. It needs to wait another week or so, since this week is super nuts and I really want to have time to write about it and really do it justice. So be patient. And I will fill you in on all you've missed.

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend!

Is This My Real Life?

I live in New York. I work in the theatre. And so it follows that as a child, I was a special kind. Not more special than your average child, but just a certain kind of special. The story goes that when I was little, my parents would sometimes ask me to sing a little song or recite a poem when family or friends were around. I would promptly do so. And when I finished my performance, I would look at them all and say, "You clap." See? That kind of special. There is an audio tape of me making my Barbie dance and perform acrobatics on her roller skates as I narrated the entire thing in song - for some reason to the tune of "The Chicken Dance". In middle school I performed "routines" on the swingset behind our house, usually to "Livin' on a Prayer" blasting from my pink boombox. It seems my musical tastes were also a certain kind of special in those days. I performed soooooo many "numbers" in my bedroom. I started with songs from "Annie" when I was younger (although strangely I was most drawn to Ms. Hannigan's songs, even then. Hm.) and by the end of high school I had worked my way through Les Mis to The Secret Garden to RENT and everything I could find in between. In high school I was in, (or wanted to be in) every music and theatre related thing there was. I was even voted "most likely to sing on Broadway" in my graduating class. Now, it was not a very large school with about 7-10 theatre geeks total - so it wasn't a huge achievement or anything, This is the same school that gave me the Physics award. And if you know me at all, you know I'm the last person who should win something math or science related. It was just known that musical theatre was what I was into/obsessed with. I majored in music in college, listened to every Broadway cast recording I could get my hand on, and read plays and musicals left and right.

In 8th grade, I went to see the local high school's production of Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods, and it captured my heart and my imagination in a way I will never forget. It has been cemented as my favorite show ever since. As has Sondheim as my favorite musical theatre composer. My first big part in high school was as Philia in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I wasn't particularly good, but I was one of a very few who semi-had the soprano notes. My senior year of college I fought tooth and nail for a part in A Little Night Music and for some reason, even managed to beat out the school's star belter for the part of Petra. Determination, man. Well, that and a professor who believed in the value of educational casting (meaning, casting me in the part, as I'd learn more from it than she would have, since she'd played parts like this twice a year for 4 years). So Sondheim is a true favorite. His lyrics are the most emotionally intelligent out there - something I've realized even more as I've gotten older. Now all someone has to do is sing "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George or "No One Has Ever Loved Me" from Passion, and they can easily turn me into a puddle on the floor.

I remember when I first saw him in person. It was when I first started working at my current job, and I was volunteering at a gala where he was being honored. I've never been the kind of person who wants to meet famous people when I see them. I'm content to just watch them talk to other people and be in the same place as they are. So I think I may've gotten to shake his hand briefly (my co-worker had been put in charge of making sure he was taken care of throughout the evening) and then I was happy to just watch him interact with the other Broadway greats in the room. It was pretty amazing just to be in the same space as he was. If you'd told my teenage self that that would ever happen, it would've been something I could've only dreamed of.

Then last season, I happened to be seated in front of him at the first preview of Sondheim on Sondheim, a retrospective of his work featuring both his well and lesser known songs, stories of his life intercut with interviews with the man himself. At the point in the show where (in a videotaped interview) he shares a fairly brutal thing that his mother once wrote to him in a letter ("My greatest regret was giving you birth"), I had an overwhelming urge to turn around and hug him. I almost had to physically restrain myself. I wanted to be his friend. So much it nearly made me cry. Another unbelievable moment that my musical theatre-obsessed younger self would've nearly passed out over.

Cut to last weekend. I had the opportunity to cast the concert version of Stephen Sondheim's COMPANY for the New York Philharmonic, which had only 4 performances over a weekend. The director, Lonny Price, has always been incredibly kind in asking me to cast things for him. This was the biggest thing yet. I didn't really realize it at the time, while we were in the trenches of it this winter, trying to get various stars (it was partially a benefit after all) to join the cast. But last week, I went to the dress rehearsal on a Thursday afternoon, and there, again, I was in the same room as Stephen Sondheim. This time, attending a rehearsal of one of his shows that I was a part of. He was just there, reading the New York Times and waiting for the rehearsal to begin. It was overwhelming. And a feeling I never want to forget. Now, after 10 years in NYC, I'm as jaded as the next New Yorker. I don't really think twice if I pass Laura Linney on the street or see Ethan Hawke at an opening. And like most people, all I can usually see is the parts of my job that drive me nuts. But this was one of those moments where I truly can't believe I get to be a very small part of the Broadway community. Seeing Stephen Sondheim waiting to watch a cast that I put together? Even this jaded New Yorker has to admit...it's humbling. And kind of amazing. And something that would've made my 15 year old self absolutely pee her pants. That being the case, can you imagine how I handled actually seeing the dang thing performed the next day? Lets just say, it was emotionally overwhelming. Which really took me by surprise, I have to say. I've worked on a lot of Broadway shows. But this was different. I just felt so blessed. I kept thinking back to my younger self. If you had told me then that I would be doing what I do for a living, let alone, being a part of something created by a composer whose work has made such an impact on my life, I never would've believed it. Not in 100 years. Probably would've passed out and peed my pants at the same time. So I'm truly, truly grateful.

For those that are interested, the show was filmed and will be shown at movie theatres across the country starting June 15. I'm sure I'll cry all over again.

Snowy Wednesday

It's a snowy day in NYC and I for one love it. Everyone on Facebook seems to be over the snow, but I am not. We're back from London/Paris and settling back into real life. Pictures and stories and details to come. There may even be some videos of me playing faux travel guide at the Tower of London, which we made while goofing around. Those were fun. The trip itself was good, though not what we had anticipated, as is always the way of things. I sadly felt like my photography mojo was off for nearly the whole trip. It may have been because it was gray and or rainy the entire time we were there, in both cities. We had about 3 scattered hours of sunlight on Geoff's birthday, and that was about it, so everything looks a bit gray and cold and sad in the photos. I will say that was a bit of a bummer, since my favorite thing to do in pretty places I've never been to is photograph them. But we'll see what we come up with after a little photo editing. Speaking of photos - my apologies for the horrible quality of the iPhone photos that appeared on this blog while I was gone. They looked a lot better on the tiny screen of my iPhone than on an actual computer. I had no idea.

Geoff has finally caught the cold I had on the trip, so he is feeling pretty lousy. I'm back at work and sensing things starting to really heat up in the next 2 months. I'm anticipating being quite busy. Trying to brace myself. Gosh there are so many things I'm thinking about, but I'm skirting the line of what to share when, what to share here at all and when I'll actually have time to write about it all in a way I feel good about. In the meantime, tonight I'm trekking to Brooklyn for dinner with my best friend and that alone will answer at least half of my questions.

Coming Up for Air

Well, it's December. Which means I survived October and November. A feat in itself. And honestly, the last two months have felt kind of like I've been continuously scaling a building. It's been difficult. On a number of fronts. I normally feel like I'm a fairly positive person. I can take a lot of things thrown at me and just keep soldiering on. But these past couple of months have been different. Have kind of beaten me down in a way I'm not used to. Nothing epic or life shattering, and there are zillions of people who have it a lot worse than me, but it's been surprising (to me, though not to the other people in my life) that I've not really been able to rally back like I usually do. I'm hoping that a bit of a holiday lull at work will help things. Ultimately, there's more to examine than just that. And I'll be attempting those things as well.

In the meantime, I can't believe how much you've missed. The annual Halloween extravaganza outside my apartment building, our visit to a farm in Queens in October (so fun!), the return of Tom the Pilgrim Turkey, many adventures in cooking, multiple openings at work, my visit to a burlesque show that a friend was in (one of the cleaner ones out there I would imagine - pretty fun!),Thanksgiving at the Cape, and an attempted burglary of our apartment (luckily it happened when Geoff was home and scared the idiot away before he could even get inside). Other than that it's been mostly work, work, work. Here's hoping things are going to turn around soon... They have to. A good weekend which included time in the kitchen and real conversations with my husband led to me returning to my creative pursuits today...blogging and photography. So that must stand for something.

By the Seat of My Pants

That's how I'm operating these days. It's been really busy. Like......since the day after Labor Day. That's when it all exploded. Zillions of weddings, ZILLIONS of casting things. Last week was absolute MADNESS at the office and we shot a wedding both days this weekend. I won't be home before 11pm any night this week, we have a wedding in Hartford all day Saturday and I have an opening for work Sunday night. Which I think I haven't even told Geoff about. Then theatre and classes all next week and 2 weddings on the 9th. So my next day off is October 10.

And all I want to do is cook.

I want to be able to be at home and make stuff with the poor CSA vegetables that are being woefully neglected in my fridge. I want to get creative in the kitchen. I want to make homemade everything. Bread, pies, pizza, soups, salads, things made with squash, everything. Not quite sure where this is all coming from. But its what I want to do. Maybe because I never get to? And if I got to all the time, I'd be glad to eat out?

But there are 6 openings for work in the next 7 weeks. And at least 5 weddings to shoot. So I fear there will far too much takeout in my life in the weeks to come. This is very, very sad. But I guess I'll be flying around by the aforementioned seat of my pants far too fast to notice.

Can't decide if glancing at my favorite food blogs, here, here and here, while I'm too crazed to do anything myself will make it better or worse.

I'm guessing worse.

Mondays are for Random

1. This is my friend Courtney's kitchen window sill. And a reminder that tomatoes in season, sliced with a little salt and pepper have been changing my life on a daily basis recently. (um, my mouth is watering just thinking about them)

2. Too bad the weather today does not remotely match this picture. Although I do love a rainy day, they are really only lovely when you don't have to leave the house.

3. I think I might have broken my toe. And what's worse, I the potential incident in which it was broken was over 3 weeks ago (at the Barn reunion where my crazy lack of depth perception made me walk into a doorframe instead of just through the actual doorway). I can walk on it, but I think only because it's open toe shoe season. It hurts when I have to wear real shoes.I fear the coming of fall may bring me much pain. I fear also that because I've done nothing about it, I will now never be able to wear closed toe shoes. This does not bode well for winter in the northeast.

4. The wedding we shot this weekend was at a GORGEOUS house in Connecticut that I have been thinking a lot about. I mused to the photographer on Saturday, "If we do a really good job, do you think they would let us have this house?"

5. It's August, and I'm wearing a thick cable knit sweater and drinking Earl Grey tea at my desk.

6. On Sunday morning when we woke up after a late night shoot, while the curtains were still drawn and our room was nearly as dark as a cave, I said to Geoff, "It sounds cloudy outside."

7. Later in the day on Sunday, while making grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, he said to me something like, "You look in the fridge and tell me what sounds good to me." Which we also thought was funny.

8. We stayed up way too late last night looking at zillow.com to find the amazing house I fell in love with this weekend. That website is addictive.

9. Now that I've talked about my broken toe, it's starting to hurt more.

10. I mean, that's about all the semi-interesting tidbits I can muster today. It's rainy and I'm sleepy.


xo

The Quest

When we were dating, Geoff took stock of my still very poor college student bedroom furniture (dresser from my highschool bedroom, my dad's old tool storage bookshelf turned on its side and draped with a sheet as a "vanity", wobbly circular bedside table also draped with a sheet with glass on top - and pictures under the glass, of course) and encouraged me to upgrade a bit. Why was I so into draping things in sheets? Come to think of it, I'm almost positive there were storage boxes draped in a blanket in there too. What was I thinking?

Well I saved up and bought a matching desk, nightstand and dresser (which looks like this, you may remember. And felt like such the grown up. Granted I bought it from good ole Bob's Discount Furniture (since we know how cheap/thrifty I am), but it's still in good shape. Geoff even encouraged me to get the matching blanket chest. Which I did. It sits in our front hallway below our picture wall and does, in fact, store blankets.

The problem? When we bought the new furniture, I was in a different apartment, using a different bed, which was pushed up against the wall. Thereby, only needing or having room for one nightstand. We're still using this furniture and now need two nightstands. They have since discontinued the line of furniture at good ole Bob's and we've been searching through their damamaged/used/returned items every couple of months for the past three years. We have yet to find one. Poor Geoff is making do, but I would reeeeeeeeeeeeeally like to find something better. Even other stores don't seem to have a similar style/color that would match. I've all but given up. People say I should get something contrasty, like a mirrored nightstand or something.

Like this maybe?


Which I do like the idea of, but my guess is Geoff would want the solid wood one and I'd get the mirrored one on my side. Which I'd like. Except I cannot keep things looking nice and it would be covered in fingerprints in about 5 seconds flat. And stay that way permanently.

Although, I just noticed that Crate and Barrel has this.


It matches! But honestly C&B? $500?? I bought basically this exact thing at good ole Bob's for $199.

Get over yourself.

The Dream

I have the whole day off. Just sent Geoff out the door for a wedding shoot. He graciously encouraged me to stay behind and have a day to myself. It's amazing how much I want to do today, just because I can. In fact, In my head I have filled this entire weekend with amazing and fantastic fun things to do. I figured I'd better write some of it down, partially as a record and partially to laugh at myself on Sunday night when I see I could really only squeeze half of it into 48 hours.

To Do:
-Make Maple Oatmeal Muffins for breakfast for the week
-Try a Zumba class at the gym
-Go to Brooklyn Flea with Alison
-Make Geoff breakfast and snacks for his shoot on Saturday
-Get pedicure
-Take pictures
-Make homemade whole wheat pizza dough (for pizza on Sunday night)
-Double pizza dough recipe and make Rosemary Flatbread with the other half
-Make oatmeal blueberry scones for brunch tomorrow
-Use CSA potatoes to make homemade hash browns for brunch tomorrow
-Use up the zillions of CSA peaches in the fridge by making this Nectarine Blueberry Cobbler from SweetFineDay. Except with peaches, obviously.
-Go on bike ride
-Edit photos of event Geoff shot
-Make something with CSA kale & zuchini before they go bad (not necessarily in same recipe)
-Write someone a letter with the cool Katharine Hepburn stamps Geoff's mom sent me
-Make Cheddar Dill biscuits to have for the week
-Replant cilantro (as it is dying)
-Make iced coffee
-Make batch of iced tea for Geoff for the week
-Pick up more white wine
-Go on a fun adventure with Geoff tomorrow (bike into the city, go to the Highline....SOMETHING)
-Blog pictures of this amazing weekend I'm making up

Things I have already accomplished from this list:
-Maple oatmeal muffins (I only ever use whole wheat flour now, no matter what the recipe says - works pretty well in this one)
-Got Geoff out the door with healthy breakfast and snacks for his shoot
-Made iced coffee
-Am about to go change and head to the gym for my Zumba class!

We'll see how much more of my dream weekend actually becomes a reality....

Happy Saturday!

Quote of the Day

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves."

-Rilke

Mom found this quote and read it to me this morning. I like it. It makes me take a deep breath and release a little of the tension from my shoulders. And knowing what a few of my friends are going through, I thought others might feel the same.

Happy Thursday!

Blogger's Block

I have it.

I really do. There's no use denying it anymore.

Blogger's block + extremely busy work nonsense = I just can't.

Thought of something great to write about yesterday but there was no time and I wanted to do it justice. Hopefully I will get to it soon.

But on top of that, I'm lacking a little in inspiration, to be honest..... I've been living a little more in the real world than the blogsophere the last few weeks. Which is good for living in the moment, but not as good for three months (or years) from now when I won't remember the wonderful and monumental talk Geoff and I had on Monday night because I didn't write about it here. There's something to be said for the blog-as-history aspect to this whole thing.

And for that reason, lets hope that work chills out soon. And that I get my mojo back.

Not a Ton...

...has been going on. I've been not-so-feelin' the blog world lately. Not real sure why. I haven't been doing much photography or cooking...both of which can inspire a fun post. So what have we been up to?

We have joined a gym that we like.
I have discovered spin class. Holy moses.

I've also discovered that if you need motivation to run on the treadmill, just make sure you're watching that MTV show "16 and Pregnant". Holy smokes. I've seen it before, but it was such a trainwreck that I didn't even realize I was still running until the commercial came on.

We have been trading a cold back and forth.

We both lost 3 pounds this week.

My friend Andrew sent me a picture of this puppy that made me die a little. How soft does her butt look? I can't stand it.


We accidentally bought a new living room at Target two weeks ago. And by that I mean a rug and throw pillows. Totally new color scheme. And I heart it.

We shot a wedding that almost got cancelled but then didn't.

We have a hot date at H&R Block tonight.

I saw my friend Ali's Easter pictures of her kids and found my heart doing this new "yearning" thing that normally only happens with puppies. Hm. Wonder what that's about?


That's pretty much all you've missed.

Happy Weekend!

It's Coming to Get Me

Life transitions are interesting. And by interesting, I mostly mean scary. And they cause me to sometimes throw up my hands in a huff. Or throw myself on the bed in (mock) despair. Or just flat out ignore them. And by that I mean, an excessive amount of time is spent watching HGTV. We've been talking a little about the next step in our lives. Someday we want to buy a house. Someday we want to have kids. And that raises a whole mess of questions. Location-wise, Finances-wise, Lifestyle-wise, Career-wise. The list goes on. Because at the moment, those Future Things don't seem to match up easily with Current Things. And I don't have answers for any of it.

We're not changing our lives tomorrow. Or even all that soon. But I have known for a while - felt for a while - that there is an imminent change approaching. And there are times I feel at peace about it. But I realized this weekend that sometimes even my "peace" about it, has been largely a "Well, this is just gonna have to get itself figured out! 'Cause I certainly can't do it! So there!!" Which is less Actual Peace and more like a game of Hot Potato.

It's interesting to realize/be reminded of just how much of a control freak I can be. Of course, you wouldn't know it to look at me. As we know, I don't remotely Have It Together. I don't have my life, my house or my desk organized within an inch of their respective lives. There is absolutely toothpaste on my bathroom mirror and here's what, it’s been there since last week. I'm in the middle of about 9 books. It takes me a full 3-6 weeks from the time I realize I need a haircut to the moment I actually call to make an appointment. For the life of him, Geoff canNOT get me to use an Inbox. I lose clothes in my closet. On a semi-weekly basis. So I'm not THAT kind of control freak. My control issues come out in stealthier ways. Ways that nearly always involve insuring that Risk is as low as possible in any given decision. Remember those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? You know the ones for kids that would say, "You come to a red door hidden in the base of the building. If you open the door, turn to page 23. If you don't open it and keep going down the hill instead, turn to page 72." I would always read where both options would take me BEFORE I actually chose an option. Largely because I wanted to read the longest story I could get. But still... Walking into any big change in your life is hardly risk-free and certainly doesn’t come with any guarantees.

I know(/hope) that there are Other Things lining themselves up to be next in my life, and Those Things will cause my life to look a lot different than it looks now. And I want Those Things. I don't know a) the road that will get us there b) what kind of place it will be or c) how I will like it there. And I think I won't know 90% of those answers until we stumble upon that road. It took me two years to work up the courage to move to NYC. And I have never regretted it. And I know the same will be true of the Next Stage. Even with all its unknowns. But for the moment, we're just going with where we are. And hopefully actually learning to have peace about it until we get there. Minus the Hot Potato.

I Survived

I've come through to the other side of some work busy-ness and it's lovely to breathe again. But oddly, it's left me with little desire to blog. If I'm honest. So I don't have anything interesting to say.

1) I still really need a haircut. (Which is absolutely riviting information, I know)

2) Last week we got a RIDICULOUS gift basket at work full of various kinds of sweets and treats and it has been sabotaging my healthy lifestyle attempts absolutely every day since.

3) Tuesday was a big day. I met Jessica Lange, Hugh Dancy, Ben Wishaw and most excitingly of all, the most amazing St. Bernard named Katie who I seriously almost stole. She lives on 11th Street. I am so going to stalk her.

4) Geoff said he would take me to the wine bar on the corner by our house for dinner tonight, since I am finally slightly free of being tied to my desk. I am excited.

5) I am thinking about several more important/serious-ish Life things these days and haven't fully processed it all. I may or may not process it here. But if I do, at least there will be something of slightly more substance for you all to read.


Yes, let's hope I will be able to regain my blogging mo-jo shortly, shall we?

Busy Poetry

Work is busy.
A complicated project
Is causing me to be MIA
And to crave salami sandwiches.

(for serious.
it's weird.
and no, i'm not pregnant.)

Friday was Alison's birthday
It rocked.
I have yet to blog it
As I am lame.

I wish I had a time machine
So I could skip this week entirely.
But never fear,
I will make it somehow.

Apparently via more italian subs
than I've ever eaten in my life.
I'm sorry,
But
They help so much more
Than salads.

Thursdays are for Random

Work is gearing up to drive me nuts the next few weeks. For those of you that see me on a regular basis, let me apologize in advance for the Nightmare I may well become.

I finished The Help in about 24 hours. Loved it. On to The Glass Castle...

I really need a haircut. Like. REALLY.

I really want to buy a rug for my living room but can't find one I like. I'd like a burnt orangey or deep red color I think. My living room is extremely beige at the moment. We're waiting on a print from an artist friend which I hope will make it look less boring.

A guy I used to work with once bought me a pink bonnet (a la Little House on the Prairie) and I can't remember quite why, but it was hysterical at the time. The bonnet is still hanging above my desk.

Why can't there be puppy therapy at my office? Hospitals and nursing homes really should share the puppies with the not-for-profit theatre employees. We need them too.

There are so many far more interesting things I'd like to be writing about, but there's no time. And also, my boss ordered us Virgils BBQ for office lunch today and so thanks to that, there's no energy either.

xoxo

Brownies and Beans

That's what I had for dinner on Sunday night.

After a week or so of complete madness at work, I laid pretty low on Saturday. I was tired, but more than that, mostly just brain dead. You know, the kind where you can't really think of anything interesting to say. I think I probably just looked around blankly for most of the day. I remember making breakfast. I remember it was all of 19 degrees but the weatherman said it felt like 4. So we did not venture outside at all. I think we hung out in The Cabana. I know I watched a little HGTV. Sometimes, when my mind is numb and tired, all I want to do is watch House Hunters on HGTV and live vicariously. I know I did more than that. But I think I was so brain dead that's about all I remember.

Sunday I had recovered and things are bit clearer. Took a big walk, ran some errands and shopped at a real grocery store. Stop & Shop. It was so luxurious. Alison was planning to come to dinner, so I'd found some fun recipes to try and wanted to get it all in one place, not have to try three different stores to find the right fresh herbs. We were perusing the Pyrex storage containers when Alison called to tell us she had a nasty cold. We decided it would be best for her not to venture out in the frigid temperatures and to stay home and get some rest. So I put back some of the fancy ingredients and we decided on salmon and green beans for dinner and just an easy night at home. I'm saving the fun recipes for when Alison comes next weekend.

We had bought this frozen salmon to try, because who doesn't like a healthy quick dinner option? (Sidebar: I fear this is shaping up to be the most boring blog post ever. My brain dead antics and frozen salmon for dinner? Really, that's the best I can do? Feel free to stop reading, I wouldn't blame you) . Well, I ended up HATING the salmon. Freezing fish is dicey in my book. I think I'm against it entirely. So I just ate beans. These beans - I made them without the prosciutto, but still a great recipe. And we made brownies as a treat. And watched Chocolat. Beans and Brownies and Juliette Binoche. And can I say...? We had the BEST time.

And I discovered (for the second time actually) how much that movie speaks to so much of who I am. Someone once told me that he thought I loved the movie because Juliette Binoche is a traveller and never puts down roots. Which he thought I related to because we moved around so much as a military family. I suppose that could be true. But it's really more of Juliette Binoche's character that I relate to. Geoff pointed this out actually. She is warm. She is welcoming to everyone. She wants to reach out and care for people. She creates amazing food. She's irreverent but still a lady. She's independent. She's intuitive about people and a good listener. She wants nothing to do with a religion that is all about rules and what you must DO to be good enough. She is all about extending grace to people. Even the people who hurt her. **SPOILER ALERT** When Alfred Molina's character, who has been against her from the start, wakes up in her shop window Easter morning covered and smeared in chocolate, she offers him a tonic and voluntarily tells him that his secret is safe with her. So, I identify with her. I feel that I have some similarities with her. And there are things about her that I want to be. And for that reason, I could watch this movie over and over again.

Two other movies I could watch over and over again.....Love Actually and A League of Their Own. Wonder what those movies say about me....?

Right This Red Hot Second

I currently have the hiccups.

The salad I ate for lunch was really really really boring.

I do not like the smell of someone else brushing their teeth.

I can only manage blog posts like this today. Even though I have far more interesting things I'd rather be blogging about. Or at least slightly more interesting things.

I'm wondering what to make for dinner. Ideas? I need easy, healthy and preferably low carb. Ready......go!