Is This My Real Life?

I live in New York. I work in the theatre. And so it follows that as a child, I was a special kind. Not more special than your average child, but just a certain kind of special. The story goes that when I was little, my parents would sometimes ask me to sing a little song or recite a poem when family or friends were around. I would promptly do so. And when I finished my performance, I would look at them all and say, "You clap." See? That kind of special. There is an audio tape of me making my Barbie dance and perform acrobatics on her roller skates as I narrated the entire thing in song - for some reason to the tune of "The Chicken Dance". In middle school I performed "routines" on the swingset behind our house, usually to "Livin' on a Prayer" blasting from my pink boombox. It seems my musical tastes were also a certain kind of special in those days. I performed soooooo many "numbers" in my bedroom. I started with songs from "Annie" when I was younger (although strangely I was most drawn to Ms. Hannigan's songs, even then. Hm.) and by the end of high school I had worked my way through Les Mis to The Secret Garden to RENT and everything I could find in between. In high school I was in, (or wanted to be in) every music and theatre related thing there was. I was even voted "most likely to sing on Broadway" in my graduating class. Now, it was not a very large school with about 7-10 theatre geeks total - so it wasn't a huge achievement or anything, This is the same school that gave me the Physics award. And if you know me at all, you know I'm the last person who should win something math or science related. It was just known that musical theatre was what I was into/obsessed with. I majored in music in college, listened to every Broadway cast recording I could get my hand on, and read plays and musicals left and right.

In 8th grade, I went to see the local high school's production of Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods, and it captured my heart and my imagination in a way I will never forget. It has been cemented as my favorite show ever since. As has Sondheim as my favorite musical theatre composer. My first big part in high school was as Philia in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I wasn't particularly good, but I was one of a very few who semi-had the soprano notes. My senior year of college I fought tooth and nail for a part in A Little Night Music and for some reason, even managed to beat out the school's star belter for the part of Petra. Determination, man. Well, that and a professor who believed in the value of educational casting (meaning, casting me in the part, as I'd learn more from it than she would have, since she'd played parts like this twice a year for 4 years). So Sondheim is a true favorite. His lyrics are the most emotionally intelligent out there - something I've realized even more as I've gotten older. Now all someone has to do is sing "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George or "No One Has Ever Loved Me" from Passion, and they can easily turn me into a puddle on the floor.

I remember when I first saw him in person. It was when I first started working at my current job, and I was volunteering at a gala where he was being honored. I've never been the kind of person who wants to meet famous people when I see them. I'm content to just watch them talk to other people and be in the same place as they are. So I think I may've gotten to shake his hand briefly (my co-worker had been put in charge of making sure he was taken care of throughout the evening) and then I was happy to just watch him interact with the other Broadway greats in the room. It was pretty amazing just to be in the same space as he was. If you'd told my teenage self that that would ever happen, it would've been something I could've only dreamed of.

Then last season, I happened to be seated in front of him at the first preview of Sondheim on Sondheim, a retrospective of his work featuring both his well and lesser known songs, stories of his life intercut with interviews with the man himself. At the point in the show where (in a videotaped interview) he shares a fairly brutal thing that his mother once wrote to him in a letter ("My greatest regret was giving you birth"), I had an overwhelming urge to turn around and hug him. I almost had to physically restrain myself. I wanted to be his friend. So much it nearly made me cry. Another unbelievable moment that my musical theatre-obsessed younger self would've nearly passed out over.

Cut to last weekend. I had the opportunity to cast the concert version of Stephen Sondheim's COMPANY for the New York Philharmonic, which had only 4 performances over a weekend. The director, Lonny Price, has always been incredibly kind in asking me to cast things for him. This was the biggest thing yet. I didn't really realize it at the time, while we were in the trenches of it this winter, trying to get various stars (it was partially a benefit after all) to join the cast. But last week, I went to the dress rehearsal on a Thursday afternoon, and there, again, I was in the same room as Stephen Sondheim. This time, attending a rehearsal of one of his shows that I was a part of. He was just there, reading the New York Times and waiting for the rehearsal to begin. It was overwhelming. And a feeling I never want to forget. Now, after 10 years in NYC, I'm as jaded as the next New Yorker. I don't really think twice if I pass Laura Linney on the street or see Ethan Hawke at an opening. And like most people, all I can usually see is the parts of my job that drive me nuts. But this was one of those moments where I truly can't believe I get to be a very small part of the Broadway community. Seeing Stephen Sondheim waiting to watch a cast that I put together? Even this jaded New Yorker has to admit...it's humbling. And kind of amazing. And something that would've made my 15 year old self absolutely pee her pants. That being the case, can you imagine how I handled actually seeing the dang thing performed the next day? Lets just say, it was emotionally overwhelming. Which really took me by surprise, I have to say. I've worked on a lot of Broadway shows. But this was different. I just felt so blessed. I kept thinking back to my younger self. If you had told me then that I would be doing what I do for a living, let alone, being a part of something created by a composer whose work has made such an impact on my life, I never would've believed it. Not in 100 years. Probably would've passed out and peed my pants at the same time. So I'm truly, truly grateful.

For those that are interested, the show was filmed and will be shown at movie theatres across the country starting June 15. I'm sure I'll cry all over again.